A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,"You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service."
08 April 2009
07 April 2009
The Zen Master
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill.
The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master.
The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill.
The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master.
The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
06 April 2009
Marriage and divorce in Heaven
It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to get married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life,
and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it and
agreed, but said they would have to wait.
It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for
them. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things went
on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time,
that eternity was best not spent together. They went back to
St. Peter, and said: "We thought we would be happy forever, but
now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there
any way we can get divorced?" "Are you kidding?" said St. Peter.
"It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry
you. I will never get a lawyer!"
and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it and
agreed, but said they would have to wait.
It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for
them. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things went
on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time,
that eternity was best not spent together. They went back to
St. Peter, and said: "We thought we would be happy forever, but
now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there
any way we can get divorced?" "Are you kidding?" said St. Peter.
"It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry
you. I will never get a lawyer!"
05 April 2009
Kids In The Hall - French fur trappers
Kids In The Hall - French Fur Trappers
old time classic, great guys :-)
03 April 2009
A Jokes Fan Club
A jokes fan club. All the jokes are cataloged and the old members know their numbers. An old member says:
- Five!
All laugh. Another member:
- Twenty four!
General laughter. A newbie, first time in one session, saw that is enough to tell the number of a joke, decides to try:
- Sixteen!
Absolute silence. Nobody laughs. One of the old members tells him:
- Pal, doesn’t matter the joke, it’s important to tell it well.
- Five!
All laugh. Another member:
- Twenty four!
General laughter. A newbie, first time in one session, saw that is enough to tell the number of a joke, decides to try:
- Sixteen!
Absolute silence. Nobody laughs. One of the old members tells him:
- Pal, doesn’t matter the joke, it’s important to tell it well.
02 April 2009
Kids' jokes
what’s red and smells like blue paint??
RED PAINT!
why do sea gulls live by the sea??
CUZ IF THEY LIVED BY THE BAY, THEY’D BE CALLED BAY GULLS!
what did the picture say to the wall??
“I’VE BEEN FRAMED!!!”
what did the ocean say to the beach??
NOTHING–IT JUST WAVED!!
why did the kid study in an airplane?
HE WANTED A HIGHER EDUCATION!
RED PAINT!
why do sea gulls live by the sea??
CUZ IF THEY LIVED BY THE BAY, THEY’D BE CALLED BAY GULLS!
what did the picture say to the wall??
“I’VE BEEN FRAMED!!!”
what did the ocean say to the beach??
NOTHING–IT JUST WAVED!!
why did the kid study in an airplane?
HE WANTED A HIGHER EDUCATION!
01 April 2009
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