The New Priest

A newly ordained priest is nervous about hearing confessions and asks an older priest to observe one of his sessions to give him some tips. After a few minutes of listening, the old priest suggests that they have a word.
“I’ve got a few suggestions,” he says. “Try folding your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand.” The new priest tries this. “Very good,” says his senior. “Now try saying things like 'I see', 'I understand' and 'Yes, go on.'” The younger priest practices these sayings, too. “Well done,” says the older priest.

“Don't you think that's better than slapping your knee and saying: “No way! What happened next?”

Are women born this way?

Are women born this way?

Check this little lady.

Daddy, how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks Daddy, how was I born?

The father answers, Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via email with your Mum and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said.....


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'You have Male!'

Friends like this...

The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined
to track down the father to extract revenge.

"Was it my friend Sam", he demanded.

"No !" his weeping wife replied.

"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.

"NO !!!" she said even more upset.

"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.

"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.

Stavros Flatley - semi final

BRITAINS GOT TALENT 2009 - SEMI FINAL - STAVROS FLATLEY (FULL PERFORMANCE & HQ)

Not as funny as their audition, but they did make it to the final.

A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was. "This is a brothel" replied the madam.

"Well, what's all this out on the lawn?" queried the man.

"Oh, we're having a yard sale today."

Hot 25 year old girl

After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said,
"44 years ago we had a cheap appartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old girl.
Now I have a $1,500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 65 year old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10 inch black and white TV.